Motley Crue / Alice Cooper at the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines Iowa 07/11/2014 was absolutely FANTASTIC!!! Once my beautiful wife Christine Kay Salzbrenner saved me from my own pathetic terror.
WTF? you say!
Well lets just say that I am very much aware NOW of the horrific design fail of the Wells Fargo Arena. In a ridiculous effort to cram as many seats as possible into the smallest area available, they opted for what I can only describe as “billy goat balconies”. These balconies contain seating that has GOT to be no less then a 60 degree incline between rows. Literally, the floor that is barely enough to fit your feet on is almost level with the back of the chairs in front of you. It’s absolutely horrifying.
Now, the fact that I myself suffer from Acrophobia was sincerely the most devastating factor. For the entire duration of the opening act Alice Cooper, I was physically attached to my seat and both seats to either side of me. This of course was partially my own fault, no sooner had I walked up the stairs I knew this was a HORRIBLE situation for me to be in. But, I love my wife, with all of my heart, and she has given me the ability to accomplish things that I would never have done before. So, I didn’t want to ruin the event for her, and of course I didn’t want to look like a pansy, (which by the way was a MONSTER FAIL!).
Thus, I proceeded up this mountain of stairs fit only for billy goats to transgress. And white knuckled through the opening act. All the time, my wife fully aware of my intense discomfort, and admirably attempting to sooth my insanity.
However, it was too late, the lights were out, and Alice Cooper was on stage, so, since I wasn’t about to “stand up” in a dark room in which I was already horrified, I remained steadfast in my seat, permanently glued in position.
Once Alice Cooper had finished, and the “stationary” lights were restored, my wonderful wife hadn’t even completed the sentence, “Do you want to get down!” before I looked like a drunk super hero with amazing speed and no coordination as I escaped, no, EGRESSES, down the stairs in no short order.
Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, and finding my “safe zone”, I patiently awaited for my beloved companion as she made her way down the cliff to my location. Then, in a stroke of absolute love and understanding she found one of the wonderful employees of the venue and declared the situation to them.
To my great appreciation they declared my condition a “handicap” and found me a more appropriate location to enjoy the rest of the evenings entertainment.
Once again, reminding me of what a wonderful women I was able to con into settling for me, what wonderful entertainers Alice Cooper and Motley Crue truly are, and what great people at the Wells Fargo Arena were willing to accommodate my unique “disability”, so that we could truly enjoy the evening together.
Thanks to everyone involved.
Despite my condition, you made it an AMAZING evening!